Andrew: Well, Will, I think that Fox made a tactical error last night putting two new episodes back-to-back. It was bad-to-bad.
Will: Bad-to-bad? So bad you had to say it twice?
A: Yes. It was that bad.
W: After-school-special bad?
A: Yeah. Gigli-bad?
W: Well, maybe not that bad.
A: But the two episodes did underline how far this show has fallen, and how desperate the writers are for new ideas.
W: Desperate, as in Kirsten the desperate housewife. Over the course of three or four episodes she developed a serious drinking problem, cheated on her husband with beard-guy, welcomed a drug dealing, attempted-rapist into her home, and played chicken and lost with an eighteen-wheeler.
A: That's a lot to accomplish in a few nights.
W: As I've said before, Kirsten and Sandy are the rock of this show, the foundation that The O.C. rests on. It is always a bad idea to screw around with the foundation.
A: I agree completely. You can't pitch a tent on uneven ground and expect to sleep through the night.
W: Did they promote you to Eagle Scout for that little piece of information?
A: Whatever. You do get my point, though. I mean, nothing ever happened to Jason and Maggie Seaver on Growing Pains, Jim and Cindy Walsh on 90210, and Elyse and Steven Keaton on Family Ties.
W: And The OC has got a long way to go to catch up to those shows.
A: Yeah. Meredith Baxter-Birney was hot.
W: Anyway, moving on. I think that we should predict what will happen in the three remaining episodes of the season, knowing what we know from last night's episodes.
A: Good idea, I mean, we've been right on all other fronts from the start—why not go for the gold?
W: Well, I guess the exception is last week's gaffe where we apparently misidentified Juan Valdez's sidekick. As an astute reader from our massive OCD fan base pointed out, Juan Valdez can often be spotted with a mula or mule, named Conchita, not a burro, as we mistakenly stated last week.
A: Yes, well, aside from that mistake, we've been dead-on.
W: I don't read spoilers for this show, so this is all me. Here's what's going to happen in the next three episodes. I'll do the Guy Pierce from Memento and start from the end:
Close up on Ryan's face, pouring rain, the bowl cut plastered to his large forehead, lots of extra blinking and yelling. A dog barks in the distance. We pan out to his arm and then to his hand holding a gun. It shakes in his hand. Switch cameras to focus on Trey's usual sneer, which quickly turns to surprise as the gun rises to point at his chest. Tight focus on the gun, it goes off, camera pans from the gun off to the ocean in the background. Scene. Have a good summer!
A: It will come down to that, huh? Brother against brother? Marissa is that important?
W: Indeed she is, both to Trey and to Ryan, and to the show, come to think of it.
A: OK, I'm with you. However, I don't think it will take three more episodes to get to that point. I think the cliffhanger is going to be more like this: Seth, hanging upside-down from the roof in a Spider-Man mask. It is raining as Summer—
W: Wait a minute; hold on, that already happened.
A: Oh, right. It just seems so much like a closer to the show. Frankly I think they hit the high note right then and there and have been going downhill since. If this show even makes it three more episodes, here's how it will go down:
Ryan and Seth standing on the beach, bruises are healed, she tells him that she and her mother are leaving the OC for Chino. That's where they are headed to live now that Caleb has kicked them out of the mansion. Marissa is already dressed in ragged clothing and has dirt under her fingernails—sort of like little orphan Annie. Ryan is dressed in a seersucker suit and has just come from the spa. My, how things have changed for these two lovebirds. Instead of Marissa saving Ryan from the dangers of Chino, it is now Ryan who must save Marissa.
W: I like it. Interesting reversal of fortune.
A: Well, we'll just have to see how it plays out.
W: I'll be holding my breath.
A: SparkNotes out.
Falling behind? Read last week's OCD here. 
on 5/6/05 2:07 PM 
